Taking Comfort

What I am about to share is certainly not a proud moment in my walk of following Messiah, but it was very significant.  As I mentioned in another article this week, I had been in a really sad state of self-pity since the middle of last month.  As I prayed, "Why me?  Why is this still happening?" I received an answer.

I, like many believers, read my Bible daily, through various studies, Torah readings, Prophet portions, counseling, etc. but I also try to read it straight through, as well.  I was seeking comfort in the Psalms, a better attitude in Philippians, looking for wisdom in Proverbs, reading Ecclesiastes to relate to just how futile it all can be; when two weeks into my pity party, I found myself staring into the Word of G-d, staring into me. In the original order of the Hebrew Scriptures, my "straight through" reading had come to the book of Job!

Immediate conviction fell, but it would still be about five days before I could get beyond self-condemnation and introspection.  That's the way I roll . . . Although I did immediately see that self-pity was completely unwarranted, unfortunately, my next step was self-condemnation.  I really had nothing to be so sad about.  My life is not quite story book, but it is wonderful!  I communicate daily with people who dream of this life or ask questions as they set about to implement this lifestyle.  So, I spent a few days ashamed that I'd allowed myself to focus on one of only two parts in my life that is not what I had hoped.  Even typing that fact does bring back a bit of shame and guilt that I fed the thoughts until they became my focus.    

I have even preached on how encouraging the 42nd chapter of Job truly is, but the middle of last month, it was as if I'd forgotten the book of Job was even in the Bible.  As I sat there reading, it wasn't so much the difficulties that stood out, although I did feel like a major whiner . . . it was the conviction with which Job stated his faith in G-d, regardless of the circumstances.  It was also the realization that some things that happen just happen.  As I read and thought, not that I am so profoundly righteous or important, but what, just what if the adversary had gone before the Throne and gotten permission to "mess with me?"  I belong to YHWH, nothing can touch me without His permission.  What if my Creator knew I would seek Him and His Word for comfort?

But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of G-d, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.  Job 2:10

I realized immediately, I did not want to be a foolish woman.  I didn't need to get to the 42nd chapter to literally be enveloped in comfort.  I just needed to set aside my self-focus, self-doubt, and self-condemnation.  His comfort was there all the time!